Satire: Student Recruited to CIA After Cutting Lunch Line
Last week, an undercover spy known only as T. Nay Jurr was visiting Sedro-Woolley High when someone caught his eye.
“It was incredible,” claimed Jurr. “The level of stealth this kid possessed was expert.”
According to Jurr, it was like any other day when Tyson Madden, a freshman, carried out his master plan. Lunch had just started, and the lines were filling up with students.
Madden casually walked right up to his friend, Aiden Whitlock, in line.
“Hey! Yo dude, whatsup bro?” said Madden, at a voice level just loud enough for the C building to hear.
Madden continued to greet Whitlock in different ways until all 12 of his friends were able to sneak their way into the lunch line, all the while, according to Jurr, being completely unnoticed.
Here’s what Whitlock, friend of the mastermind and spot holder, had to say about this.
“I don’t even know that kid. He pretends to know me so he can cut the line. Kind of pathetic.” Madden’s genius was truly chilling.
Witness Elena De León recalls the unseen event.
“He does this every day. It’s not that he’s fooling anyone, just embarrassing himself.”
Just as herself, the students at Sedro-Woolley High remain completely unaware of this covert operation.
However, not everyone is impressed. Discussion began to spread about the ethics of cutting in line. Some, claiming that everyone deserves to get their food according to when they arrived.
Madden spoke up about the situation. “Listen, of course everyone is equal. I’m just a little more equal.”
“I can’t wait to have him on the team,” said Jurr, sporting his savvy disguise of a backwards hat, sunglasses, and the graying beard hairs of a 60-year old. “He will fit right in. The CIA needs more people who are as stealthy as Madden. We can’t let the public know about our secrets, such as the birds. The drone birds. The drone birds who are fake.”